L Chronicles: Failure - The Successful Person's Dirty Little Secret

Throughout my years as an entrepreneur, author, filmmaker, and life strategist, I've had the good fortune of being in the company of a lot of phenomenal people - from A list celebrities to government officials to highly respected entrepreneurs. I've been able to glean many important lessons and tidbits from them and I often share them as I speak or write.

In reading biographies, paying close attention to personal stories, and asking specific questions, I've discovered that every highly successful person I know has a dirty little secret to success - FAILURE. And beyond failure, deciding to pick up the pieces and keep going.

In the spirit of transparency, I have to share that I've had both successes and failures thus far in 2010. I pitched and sold some great stuff that went off without a hitch, I made more money than I did in 2009, I launched several cool Inspired Living things, I launched a charter group in Ecuador for Inspired Girls, and achieved some other great stuff. But on the flip side, I planned a national tour that dwindled before my eyes (although I'm realizing that that was a blessing in disguise for several reasons) and had to push some other things back.

Now, here's what's interesting: I was talking with a friend at lunch yesterday about this and she said, "Lisa, you know every successful person fails. That's just a part of the game as an entrepreneur." Well, yeah...but do people really get that?

For a period of time, I was hypersensitive to the opinions and ideas people held about me and my company. It used to be important to me to maintain a professional image and all of that. However, I realized that
a) a failure is an event, not a person
b) I cannot expect to be good at everything - there's a learning curve in life and business
c) In the words of Jay-Z, you can't be afraid to fail in search of perfection.

And so, I pondered my friend's words over raw vegan pizza as I fought back tears of happiness & gratitude. She didn't say anything particularly earth shattering that I didn't already know, but that's what friends - real friends - are for...to give you that reminder when you need it and to push you forward when you want to stall. And I happen to be a big mush when it comes to people in my inner circle.

Success, according to Rudyard Kipling, is failure turned inside out. I believe that. And as I pick up my own pieces, I insist on reminding myself that I've had a LOT more successes than failures this year, and I owe it to myself to learn the valuable lessons from the disappointment and then apply them going forward. And anyone who's decided to "write me off" because of it can sit back and watch me apply the lessons and succeed because one thing I have never lacked is persistence. I've said before that fragile friendships that can't withstand a disagreement or shakeup aren't friendships worth having and I'm now realizing that that extends to professional relationships too. Things happen. Theories fail. People evolve. The type of people I want around me, in business and life, understand this and don't run at the first sign of a challenge. After all, why let people ride the bandwagon once it's rolling if they didn't want to help push?

It's true that some of our most valuable lessons come from failures because I'm certain there's no way I could have learned so much from a success.

The takeaway:
Failure & success are 2 sides of the same coin. If you fear failure, you'll never have success.

Some lessons can be learned from watching & learning from others...some are yours to bear.

Contingency plans are a leader's best friend.

The people who belong in your space do more than "get you" or want to be a part of your vision - they support you & the process of creating the vision. They demonstrate a certain loyalty, not just to you, but to the outcome that the vision produces.

Next time you see someone who appears to make everything turn to gold, remember their dirty little secret and keep pushing.

Later.

Inspired Living - How To Make Positive Thinking Work

Ok so you’ve heard all of the stuff about “thinking positive” and “just seeing it in your mind” but if you’ve followed me for any length of time, you know that I believe in things that are practical and things that work. In speaking to groups, reading letters from radio listeners, and talking with people who are into personal development, I’m finding that a lot of people are disillusioned by this whole positive thinking thing. Some people are confused about how it works, and others have simply gone about it the wrong way. Today, I’m sharing some insight on this to empower you to choose thoughts that reflect what you want to create in your life and to do so in a meaningful way, unfluffy way.

Positive thinking is important. I have yet to meet a successful person who wasn’t a positive thinker. But if positive thinking is so important, why is it that some people have exceptional success while others continue to lag behind and struggle?

1. Not accepting the present.

You may be a positive person who is actually in denial about reality. You may wave the banner of optimism, but you haven’t actually accepted what’s in front of you.

2. Obsessing over the past.

The past is OVER! You no longer have control over it, and it really shouldn’t be given control over you.

3. Attempting to control the future.

The future is not here yet – it sounds obvious but how many times have you obsessed over something that hasn’t happened or wasn’t even close? The best thing we can do for the future is set powerful, clear intentions for it, take actions for it, and then stay in the present moment.

The secret to making positive thinking work is to release the past, accept the present, and intend the future. Your past is done and gone – to dwell on it is to allow it to be a part of your future. It’s important to mine the past for lessons and then release it – you can’t steal third base with your foot on second!

After releasing the past, we have to accept the present. Admitting where you are isn’t being negative – it’s empowering yourself to take meaningful action. You can’t get directions to your destiny if you don’t know where you currently are.

Intending your future means being crystal clear about what you want to see happen in your life. To operate this way is to stop responding as things come up and to start being a catalyst for forward motion. The best way to predict the future is to create it.

Thoughts become things – we are able to manifest amazing outcomes when we can control our thoughts. Today, choose only thoughts that empower your past, present, and future.

The L Chronicles: Stranded

[Note: This is a personal blog. Some of them are not personal - they empower you. Some of them are personal - they empower me. This one is very, very personal. Enjoy.]

Today, I went to CVS to pick up a couple of items. I've got a head full of natural waves, coils, and curls, and so, I'm addicted to the hair care isle of any department or drug store.

My natural hair is a "thing" for me...one that I explained here when I discussed what it meant to me to have natural hair.



I had just left a meeting with a member of the Inspired Girls advisory board and we started the conversation with, "Girl, you are working those curls...how you doin?" because that's just how we talk. In a land of waist length weaves and Beyonce dye jobs, we stand out in all of our natural glory.

As I stood on the hair isle in CVS, eyeing how overpriced their Neutrogena products are, I overheard a woman say, "Well, I'm not sure about this...for your hair...I mean...with the type of hair you have. I don't know about that, so let's go with this." I glanced up to see who was talking and more importantly to see who the comment was for and I saw a Caucasian woman who appeared to be in her 60s talking to a young girl who appeared to be black. The girl had gorgeous, thick natural hair...and of course, the white woman had straight hair (it was short and grey). The look on the girl's face was a blend of confusion with disappointment.

Instantly my heart sank. I just stood there, staring, and then quickly looked away to not seem obvious. My chest got tight, and I quickly walked off.

As I stood in front of the paper towels with tears in my eyes, I tried to understand what was going on with me. Was this PMS or was I feeling some kind of way about what I had just heard? I realized it was the latter and I felt compelled to go back over and say something, anything, to make it better somehow.

But what would I say without seeming like a pushy, militant black woman? Of course, my braidout was fluffed to perfection and my curls were defined so I would appear to be a reasonable adviser on the matter but still...I'd be sticking my nose where I wasn't invited.

I went back and forth with myself and finally decided to go over...I got back to the hair isle and they were gone. I went to the front and checked out and left the store with tears streaming down my face.

Perhaps I'm way too sensitive when it comes to this hair stuff, but for some of us, it's deeper than hair. It's about our identity and feeling beautiful and swimming upstream in a straight haired culture.

I sat in the car for a minute and realized that I was so bothered because I, as a grown woman, spent years realizing that I had to remove the kinks from my mind, not my hair. It took a shift in my consciousness for me to understand that I'm gorgeous through and through and that untamed curls or a silky press do not change that. Perhaps I was projecting my past issues onto this girl, but I had the feeling that there weren't any natural haired black women around to tell her how beautiful her hair is and to show her how to care for it properly. I would imagine that her white caregiver was overwhelmed and confused with where to begin with her thick, coily hair.

As I sat in my car, I closed my eyes and said a prayer for the girl. I prayed that light, love, and peace would surround her...that even if she grew up facing the typical ups and downs of life, she'd never feel less beautiful because of her hair. I prayed that she would look in the mirror and see beauty tangled in her strands and that her hair would be a source of pride and distinction.

I drove off wishing that level of liberation for every woman. I know that chemicals are mere style choices for some, but for many, they're unconsciously wrapped up in a system that's telling them they're not light enough, thin enough or pretty enough so they buy the weaves, the creams, and the clothes, hoping to make some invisible and unattainable cut.

I'm happy to say that I'm liberated from allowing my hair to define me, and I can't help but want the same freedom for every other woman - white, black, or other.

The lesson? Say what you want to say. You don't know whose life can be blessed & transformed by you simply stating your truth. Next time, I'll politely state mine. What I say is my responsibility; how people respond is theirs.

Later.

Bless The Bills!

BILLS!

We’ve all got them but most of us hate them. But what if we decided to take a different perspective to our bills?

Have you ever considered that your bills are actually a blessing? Think for a moment about what a bill is an indication of…a product, credit, or service extended to you in exchange for your payment. With this in mind, a bill is a reflection of you receiving something.

Think about what it’d be like if you had no bills. Your life is free of any payment for any products or services. You live without the perceived headache of mailing checks or pointing and clicking online to pay your bills. But along with that leisurely convenience, you don’t have lights, credit, a car, a home, water, internet, or cable. Suddenly, the bills don’t seem so bad, right?

Our bills are a reflection of our blessings. This week, I encourage you to begin to see your bills as an opportunity for you keep money circulating in our economy. After all, money is energetic and needs to flow. Contrary to popular belief, hoarding money selfishly does not lead to wealth – it leads to a stoppage of the flow of resources necessary for ourselves, our family, and our communities to thrive.


Each time you assume a new responsibility, focus on what you’re receiving. Remember that when you spend money, you have the power and the choice to make a wise investment. If you consistently regret spending money, it may be time to reevaluate how and why you’re spending. Remember that money gives you the ability to choose how you express the abundance that already exists in your life. Consider your bills an extension of that expression.

New Inspired Living Series: What Inspires You?

I travel quite a bite for work and play and in having conversations with people - in airports, on shuttles, at events, etc, I've learned some fascinating things. I was inspired to start a new series called "What Inspires You?" - it asks the question and then allows my interviewee to share. You'd be surprised what inspires some people.

Check out my first installment of this series with Pastor Jerry Fritz of Martha's Vineyard - he had an awesome story!

L Chronicles: Becoming A Leader's Leader

I had an interesting epiphany this week. Amidst the throes of change, unexpected twists and turns, and even some disappointment, I uncovered a valuable lesson about leadership.

Last year, I decided to really start scaling my company's operations and one of the ways I have gone about doing that is team building. It's been a fascinating learning process, and I do feel much more competent as a leader. That confidence didn't come without some mistakes, but I firmly believe in the value of experience.

I was faced with several decisions throughout the week - all of which involved people other than me, seen and unseen. As I analyzed the options and attempted to look at every angle, I took a step back to consider what the situation may look like through the eyes of the people affected. I attempted to balance the greater good for all involved with any personal issues I had. I found myself wanting to make decisions based on my personal logic versus the logic of the many stakeholders who are affected by my choices. I took the responsibility of not necessarily doing what was easiest or most comfortable.

On a recent Inspired Living Coaching Call, I talked to the members about leadership and how important it is to remember that as a leader, you're responsible, to varying degrees, for other people. Your interests have to become a smaller piece of a bigger puzzle and your choices have to reflect that.

As I sat pondering each of my choices after the fact, I realized that I had grown as a leader in my ability to have uncomfortable conversations and do uncomfortable things. Then I realized that among my team building goals was to groom leaders, not followers. I want my team members to be empowered - to be confident in their decision making abilities and to be able to make the tough call - even when their emotions are on an obstacle course trying to do it.

And I realized that in order to groom this ideal leader, I have to be that person first and lead myself. I have to develop the mental toughness and emotional tenacity necessary to separate personal feelings from any business at hand and then be able to exemplify that with my team.

I certainly don't profess to have all the answers, and I respect my growth as a learning process that comes with its share of mistakes and challenges. But I'll continue to push onward and upward, evolving as a leader's leader as I go.

Later.

Stop Managing Your Time - Start Managing Yourself

STOP HITTING THE SNOOZE BUTTON ON YOUR LIFE!
Time – it’s one of the most precious things we have and yet we often use it so carelessly. Take a moment to consider how you spend your time – are you using it wisely or are you spending time on busy work that isn’t truly productive?

I’ll let you in on a little secret: there’s no such thing as time management. I know, that’s crazy talk, right? Here’s the deal: time is an elusive, always changing thing – you can’t really manage it. What you can manage is yourself. Most people assume that because they’re semi-successful or have goals that everything will magically fall into place. Not so. Think about how your life would change if you had 2 additional hours in every day to spend as you pleased. What would you do with that time? What if I told you that you could get that time?

Most of us are misusing and abusing our time like an old pair of gym shoes. We lack respect for our time so it slips away quietly until we realize that we never seem to have enough of it. I’ve always considered myself a “productive” person, but I recently came to the realization that e-mail is a huge time sap for me. Every time my Blackberry’s little red light was flashing, I immediately picked it up to see what was incoming. This compulsive habit was distracting and draining my time. I’ve decided to limit my e-mail usage to three times per day: first thing in the morning, mid-afternoon, and just before bed. There are few e-mails that I’ll receive that will be so urgent that they cannot wait (unless it’s Zappos announcing that new Stuart Weitzman pumps came in). What is your time sap? Is it the phone? Do you look up after an unexpected phone call and wonder where the time went? Maybe your time sap is Facebook, long lunches, or poor planning. Whatever it is, get a handle on it and you’ll have more time for the things that are important to you.

Here are more tips for maximizing your time:

Map out the day on paper before you begin. Planning the day’s activities is a great way to improve efficiency. Time is often wasted wandering aimlessly from one activity to the next. Setting an intention for the day is a powerful way to get clear on your purpose and be sure that your activities are productive, not just busy. Plan 60% of your day then leave 20% for unanticipated developments and 20% for a buffer.

Make lists. Lists are a productive person's friend. Think about the amount of energy you spend trying to remember a grocery list or trying to remember to send an email, feed the dog, and grab your phone before you rush out the door. A list frees up your mental energy to be used on something more important. Use lists as miniature assistants that keep you on track and remind you of the details.

Budget time with people. Networking is important. We need to create and maintain relationships with people. As you begin to assess how you’re spending your time, think about the return on the investment of spending time with certain people. In his book, The Slight Edge, Jeff Olson noted that there are people you should spend 2 minutes with and others you should spend 2 hours with. The key is to know who is who. Be honest with yourself about whether you are growing, flourishing, and expanding in the presence of those you spend your time with and make adjustments accordingly.

Get organized. Are you spending hours and hours trying to find things? Organization is essential to moving quickly from task to task. Clear the clutter from your home, car, and office, and not only will you be thinking more clearly, you’ll observe that it’s easier to find things. Form the habit of putting things in their proper place once you’re done using them.

Freeing up time in your schedule means more time to do the things you love and spend time with your favorite people. Remember that your time, like your body, is a gift. Unlike money, once we spend our time, we can’t get it back so always spend wisely.