The End of Shoulda Coulda Wouldas

The year is almost over! On our last Inspired Living Coaching Call, I focused on the key things you need to do to finish the year with a BANG and start 2011 with momentum! The word for November is COMPLETION. What have you started this year that you haven't completed? What unfinished projects could help you create some forward motion in your life?

With so many distractions and demands on our time, it's easy to drift into a space of going from task to task and only putting out fires instead of intentionally seeing projects through to completion. This week, ponder completion - what areas of your life have a trail of unfinished projects and how you can change that? Did you get overwhelmed? Are you lacking in time or resources? During private sessions this month, I'll be spending time on this with you. If you want to schedule a special session to button up your open areas, email me.

Remember that completion is one of the benchmarks of success. Nobody remembers the people who never finished the great things they started. Your legacy will be tied to what you finish, not what you kind of sort of stumble through. Focus on completing things that are important and abandoning things that are not aligned with your goals.

Let's get it done, people! Make it an awesome week!

Inspired Living: Know YOU

Over the past few years, I've grown to know myself intimately. I've become my own best friend - I've developed a deeper understanding of myself and my complexities which has allowed me to develop more empathy and understanding for other people.

This is, I've found, essential to resolving our anger issues with other people. I am not a grudge holder, but I won't deny having carried things from relationships that could have been released sooner. In hindsight, I realize that having unrealistic expectations of myself led to unrealistic expectations of others which contributed to attempts at expressing negative energy that never should have existed.

Do you know yourself? I mean, do you REALLY know yourself? Do you spend time alone daily? Do you spend time thinking about yourself? Do you ever step out of the scene of your own movie to see the shot and the action? Knowledge of self, the greats have told us, is the beginning of wisdom and knowledge of others. I've found that most people are too frightened by what they might discover if they really took the time to know and address themselves...but this is the beginning of power.

Later.

L Chronicles: Failure - The Successful Person's Dirty Little Secret

Throughout my years as an entrepreneur, author, filmmaker, and life strategist, I've had the good fortune of being in the company of a lot of phenomenal people - from A list celebrities to government officials to highly respected entrepreneurs. I've been able to glean many important lessons and tidbits from them and I often share them as I speak or write.

In reading biographies, paying close attention to personal stories, and asking specific questions, I've discovered that every highly successful person I know has a dirty little secret to success - FAILURE. And beyond failure, deciding to pick up the pieces and keep going.

In the spirit of transparency, I have to share that I've had both successes and failures thus far in 2010. I pitched and sold some great stuff that went off without a hitch, I made more money than I did in 2009, I launched several cool Inspired Living things, I launched a charter group in Ecuador for Inspired Girls, and achieved some other great stuff. But on the flip side, I planned a national tour that dwindled before my eyes (although I'm realizing that that was a blessing in disguise for several reasons) and had to push some other things back.

Now, here's what's interesting: I was talking with a friend at lunch yesterday about this and she said, "Lisa, you know every successful person fails. That's just a part of the game as an entrepreneur." Well, yeah...but do people really get that?

For a period of time, I was hypersensitive to the opinions and ideas people held about me and my company. It used to be important to me to maintain a professional image and all of that. However, I realized that
a) a failure is an event, not a person
b) I cannot expect to be good at everything - there's a learning curve in life and business
c) In the words of Jay-Z, you can't be afraid to fail in search of perfection.

And so, I pondered my friend's words over raw vegan pizza as I fought back tears of happiness & gratitude. She didn't say anything particularly earth shattering that I didn't already know, but that's what friends - real friends - are for...to give you that reminder when you need it and to push you forward when you want to stall. And I happen to be a big mush when it comes to people in my inner circle.

Success, according to Rudyard Kipling, is failure turned inside out. I believe that. And as I pick up my own pieces, I insist on reminding myself that I've had a LOT more successes than failures this year, and I owe it to myself to learn the valuable lessons from the disappointment and then apply them going forward. And anyone who's decided to "write me off" because of it can sit back and watch me apply the lessons and succeed because one thing I have never lacked is persistence. I've said before that fragile friendships that can't withstand a disagreement or shakeup aren't friendships worth having and I'm now realizing that that extends to professional relationships too. Things happen. Theories fail. People evolve. The type of people I want around me, in business and life, understand this and don't run at the first sign of a challenge. After all, why let people ride the bandwagon once it's rolling if they didn't want to help push?

It's true that some of our most valuable lessons come from failures because I'm certain there's no way I could have learned so much from a success.

The takeaway:
Failure & success are 2 sides of the same coin. If you fear failure, you'll never have success.

Some lessons can be learned from watching & learning from others...some are yours to bear.

Contingency plans are a leader's best friend.

The people who belong in your space do more than "get you" or want to be a part of your vision - they support you & the process of creating the vision. They demonstrate a certain loyalty, not just to you, but to the outcome that the vision produces.

Next time you see someone who appears to make everything turn to gold, remember their dirty little secret and keep pushing.

Later.

Inspired Living - How To Make Positive Thinking Work

Ok so you’ve heard all of the stuff about “thinking positive” and “just seeing it in your mind” but if you’ve followed me for any length of time, you know that I believe in things that are practical and things that work. In speaking to groups, reading letters from radio listeners, and talking with people who are into personal development, I’m finding that a lot of people are disillusioned by this whole positive thinking thing. Some people are confused about how it works, and others have simply gone about it the wrong way. Today, I’m sharing some insight on this to empower you to choose thoughts that reflect what you want to create in your life and to do so in a meaningful way, unfluffy way.

Positive thinking is important. I have yet to meet a successful person who wasn’t a positive thinker. But if positive thinking is so important, why is it that some people have exceptional success while others continue to lag behind and struggle?

1. Not accepting the present.

You may be a positive person who is actually in denial about reality. You may wave the banner of optimism, but you haven’t actually accepted what’s in front of you.

2. Obsessing over the past.

The past is OVER! You no longer have control over it, and it really shouldn’t be given control over you.

3. Attempting to control the future.

The future is not here yet – it sounds obvious but how many times have you obsessed over something that hasn’t happened or wasn’t even close? The best thing we can do for the future is set powerful, clear intentions for it, take actions for it, and then stay in the present moment.

The secret to making positive thinking work is to release the past, accept the present, and intend the future. Your past is done and gone – to dwell on it is to allow it to be a part of your future. It’s important to mine the past for lessons and then release it – you can’t steal third base with your foot on second!

After releasing the past, we have to accept the present. Admitting where you are isn’t being negative – it’s empowering yourself to take meaningful action. You can’t get directions to your destiny if you don’t know where you currently are.

Intending your future means being crystal clear about what you want to see happen in your life. To operate this way is to stop responding as things come up and to start being a catalyst for forward motion. The best way to predict the future is to create it.

Thoughts become things – we are able to manifest amazing outcomes when we can control our thoughts. Today, choose only thoughts that empower your past, present, and future.

The L Chronicles: Stranded

[Note: This is a personal blog. Some of them are not personal - they empower you. Some of them are personal - they empower me. This one is very, very personal. Enjoy.]

Today, I went to CVS to pick up a couple of items. I've got a head full of natural waves, coils, and curls, and so, I'm addicted to the hair care isle of any department or drug store.

My natural hair is a "thing" for me...one that I explained here when I discussed what it meant to me to have natural hair.



I had just left a meeting with a member of the Inspired Girls advisory board and we started the conversation with, "Girl, you are working those curls...how you doin?" because that's just how we talk. In a land of waist length weaves and Beyonce dye jobs, we stand out in all of our natural glory.

As I stood on the hair isle in CVS, eyeing how overpriced their Neutrogena products are, I overheard a woman say, "Well, I'm not sure about this...for your hair...I mean...with the type of hair you have. I don't know about that, so let's go with this." I glanced up to see who was talking and more importantly to see who the comment was for and I saw a Caucasian woman who appeared to be in her 60s talking to a young girl who appeared to be black. The girl had gorgeous, thick natural hair...and of course, the white woman had straight hair (it was short and grey). The look on the girl's face was a blend of confusion with disappointment.

Instantly my heart sank. I just stood there, staring, and then quickly looked away to not seem obvious. My chest got tight, and I quickly walked off.

As I stood in front of the paper towels with tears in my eyes, I tried to understand what was going on with me. Was this PMS or was I feeling some kind of way about what I had just heard? I realized it was the latter and I felt compelled to go back over and say something, anything, to make it better somehow.

But what would I say without seeming like a pushy, militant black woman? Of course, my braidout was fluffed to perfection and my curls were defined so I would appear to be a reasonable adviser on the matter but still...I'd be sticking my nose where I wasn't invited.

I went back and forth with myself and finally decided to go over...I got back to the hair isle and they were gone. I went to the front and checked out and left the store with tears streaming down my face.

Perhaps I'm way too sensitive when it comes to this hair stuff, but for some of us, it's deeper than hair. It's about our identity and feeling beautiful and swimming upstream in a straight haired culture.

I sat in the car for a minute and realized that I was so bothered because I, as a grown woman, spent years realizing that I had to remove the kinks from my mind, not my hair. It took a shift in my consciousness for me to understand that I'm gorgeous through and through and that untamed curls or a silky press do not change that. Perhaps I was projecting my past issues onto this girl, but I had the feeling that there weren't any natural haired black women around to tell her how beautiful her hair is and to show her how to care for it properly. I would imagine that her white caregiver was overwhelmed and confused with where to begin with her thick, coily hair.

As I sat in my car, I closed my eyes and said a prayer for the girl. I prayed that light, love, and peace would surround her...that even if she grew up facing the typical ups and downs of life, she'd never feel less beautiful because of her hair. I prayed that she would look in the mirror and see beauty tangled in her strands and that her hair would be a source of pride and distinction.

I drove off wishing that level of liberation for every woman. I know that chemicals are mere style choices for some, but for many, they're unconsciously wrapped up in a system that's telling them they're not light enough, thin enough or pretty enough so they buy the weaves, the creams, and the clothes, hoping to make some invisible and unattainable cut.

I'm happy to say that I'm liberated from allowing my hair to define me, and I can't help but want the same freedom for every other woman - white, black, or other.

The lesson? Say what you want to say. You don't know whose life can be blessed & transformed by you simply stating your truth. Next time, I'll politely state mine. What I say is my responsibility; how people respond is theirs.

Later.

Bless The Bills!

BILLS!

We’ve all got them but most of us hate them. But what if we decided to take a different perspective to our bills?

Have you ever considered that your bills are actually a blessing? Think for a moment about what a bill is an indication of…a product, credit, or service extended to you in exchange for your payment. With this in mind, a bill is a reflection of you receiving something.

Think about what it’d be like if you had no bills. Your life is free of any payment for any products or services. You live without the perceived headache of mailing checks or pointing and clicking online to pay your bills. But along with that leisurely convenience, you don’t have lights, credit, a car, a home, water, internet, or cable. Suddenly, the bills don’t seem so bad, right?

Our bills are a reflection of our blessings. This week, I encourage you to begin to see your bills as an opportunity for you keep money circulating in our economy. After all, money is energetic and needs to flow. Contrary to popular belief, hoarding money selfishly does not lead to wealth – it leads to a stoppage of the flow of resources necessary for ourselves, our family, and our communities to thrive.


Each time you assume a new responsibility, focus on what you’re receiving. Remember that when you spend money, you have the power and the choice to make a wise investment. If you consistently regret spending money, it may be time to reevaluate how and why you’re spending. Remember that money gives you the ability to choose how you express the abundance that already exists in your life. Consider your bills an extension of that expression.

New Inspired Living Series: What Inspires You?

I travel quite a bite for work and play and in having conversations with people - in airports, on shuttles, at events, etc, I've learned some fascinating things. I was inspired to start a new series called "What Inspires You?" - it asks the question and then allows my interviewee to share. You'd be surprised what inspires some people.

Check out my first installment of this series with Pastor Jerry Fritz of Martha's Vineyard - he had an awesome story!

L Chronicles: Becoming A Leader's Leader

I had an interesting epiphany this week. Amidst the throes of change, unexpected twists and turns, and even some disappointment, I uncovered a valuable lesson about leadership.

Last year, I decided to really start scaling my company's operations and one of the ways I have gone about doing that is team building. It's been a fascinating learning process, and I do feel much more competent as a leader. That confidence didn't come without some mistakes, but I firmly believe in the value of experience.

I was faced with several decisions throughout the week - all of which involved people other than me, seen and unseen. As I analyzed the options and attempted to look at every angle, I took a step back to consider what the situation may look like through the eyes of the people affected. I attempted to balance the greater good for all involved with any personal issues I had. I found myself wanting to make decisions based on my personal logic versus the logic of the many stakeholders who are affected by my choices. I took the responsibility of not necessarily doing what was easiest or most comfortable.

On a recent Inspired Living Coaching Call, I talked to the members about leadership and how important it is to remember that as a leader, you're responsible, to varying degrees, for other people. Your interests have to become a smaller piece of a bigger puzzle and your choices have to reflect that.

As I sat pondering each of my choices after the fact, I realized that I had grown as a leader in my ability to have uncomfortable conversations and do uncomfortable things. Then I realized that among my team building goals was to groom leaders, not followers. I want my team members to be empowered - to be confident in their decision making abilities and to be able to make the tough call - even when their emotions are on an obstacle course trying to do it.

And I realized that in order to groom this ideal leader, I have to be that person first and lead myself. I have to develop the mental toughness and emotional tenacity necessary to separate personal feelings from any business at hand and then be able to exemplify that with my team.

I certainly don't profess to have all the answers, and I respect my growth as a learning process that comes with its share of mistakes and challenges. But I'll continue to push onward and upward, evolving as a leader's leader as I go.

Later.

Stop Managing Your Time - Start Managing Yourself

STOP HITTING THE SNOOZE BUTTON ON YOUR LIFE!
Time – it’s one of the most precious things we have and yet we often use it so carelessly. Take a moment to consider how you spend your time – are you using it wisely or are you spending time on busy work that isn’t truly productive?

I’ll let you in on a little secret: there’s no such thing as time management. I know, that’s crazy talk, right? Here’s the deal: time is an elusive, always changing thing – you can’t really manage it. What you can manage is yourself. Most people assume that because they’re semi-successful or have goals that everything will magically fall into place. Not so. Think about how your life would change if you had 2 additional hours in every day to spend as you pleased. What would you do with that time? What if I told you that you could get that time?

Most of us are misusing and abusing our time like an old pair of gym shoes. We lack respect for our time so it slips away quietly until we realize that we never seem to have enough of it. I’ve always considered myself a “productive” person, but I recently came to the realization that e-mail is a huge time sap for me. Every time my Blackberry’s little red light was flashing, I immediately picked it up to see what was incoming. This compulsive habit was distracting and draining my time. I’ve decided to limit my e-mail usage to three times per day: first thing in the morning, mid-afternoon, and just before bed. There are few e-mails that I’ll receive that will be so urgent that they cannot wait (unless it’s Zappos announcing that new Stuart Weitzman pumps came in). What is your time sap? Is it the phone? Do you look up after an unexpected phone call and wonder where the time went? Maybe your time sap is Facebook, long lunches, or poor planning. Whatever it is, get a handle on it and you’ll have more time for the things that are important to you.

Here are more tips for maximizing your time:

Map out the day on paper before you begin. Planning the day’s activities is a great way to improve efficiency. Time is often wasted wandering aimlessly from one activity to the next. Setting an intention for the day is a powerful way to get clear on your purpose and be sure that your activities are productive, not just busy. Plan 60% of your day then leave 20% for unanticipated developments and 20% for a buffer.

Make lists. Lists are a productive person's friend. Think about the amount of energy you spend trying to remember a grocery list or trying to remember to send an email, feed the dog, and grab your phone before you rush out the door. A list frees up your mental energy to be used on something more important. Use lists as miniature assistants that keep you on track and remind you of the details.

Budget time with people. Networking is important. We need to create and maintain relationships with people. As you begin to assess how you’re spending your time, think about the return on the investment of spending time with certain people. In his book, The Slight Edge, Jeff Olson noted that there are people you should spend 2 minutes with and others you should spend 2 hours with. The key is to know who is who. Be honest with yourself about whether you are growing, flourishing, and expanding in the presence of those you spend your time with and make adjustments accordingly.

Get organized. Are you spending hours and hours trying to find things? Organization is essential to moving quickly from task to task. Clear the clutter from your home, car, and office, and not only will you be thinking more clearly, you’ll observe that it’s easier to find things. Form the habit of putting things in their proper place once you’re done using them.

Freeing up time in your schedule means more time to do the things you love and spend time with your favorite people. Remember that your time, like your body, is a gift. Unlike money, once we spend our time, we can’t get it back so always spend wisely.

My secret weapon for dealing with FEAR

Lately, I’ve noticed a lot of people stuck – stuck in bad relationships, stuck in crappy jobs, stuck in cities they hate. And yet they sit idle while the days, months, and years roll on. I was speaking to a group of women several months ago, and I asked for a show of hands of people who were happy. Only 40% of the hands in the room went up. Then I asked one of the women who didn’t raise her hand why she wasn’t happy. Her reply? “I’m not making enough money.” I was fascinated with her answer for 2 reasons: 1) Money isn’t her issue. I knew it and I think she did too. 2) I had a feeling that she wasn’t doing anything to address the so-called cause of her unhappiness.

I came off the stage and said, “If you can’t be happy where you are, you will not be happy where you’re going. Happiness is not a destination or ideal – it’s a decision and a state of being.” She replied with, “Wow….yeah, you’re right.” Then I said, “Why aren’t you making more money?” She explained that she had grown up poor and it had just “always been that way” for her. Rather than ask a series of profound questions, I cut to the chase, “You’ve never had much money so you assume that you’re a helpless victim to lack and limitation and that money is something other people are meant to have but not you. Are you living in fear of never having enough? And is that informing the choices you make?” The room fell quiet. As we all sat watching her, tears began to stream down her face and she nodded. I did more work with her on clearing her blocks, but as I returned to the stage, I made a point about fear.

Here’s the reality: We only experience 2 emotions: fear and love. Every other emotion we experience is rooted in these two emotions. With that being the case, when we find ourselves stuck, it’s because something other than our perceived issue is in the way, and more often than not it’s fear (or hate, bitterness, resentment, sadness, depression, listlessness, confusion – all manifestations of fear).

So how can you address fear in a powerful way? I mean, fear is something we deal with often, especially living this Inspired Life. You’re constantly stretching and growing and stepping outside of your comfort zone. Next time you feel anxiety creeping in, use my FEAR acronym to help you remove the block.

F- Face it. Fear is a small thing with a big shadow. Have you ever had a situation where you were hyping something up in your mind and then when it happened, you realized it was a bunch of hype over nothing? Most of the things we fear eIther never happen or never have the effect we believe they will. Take your power back by running toward the things you fear and facing them head on.

E-Evaluate. Evaluate your thought process and test your assumptions. Fear is often the result of not monitoring our thoughts and assumptions closely enough to realize they’re false. Take an objective look at your situation and the thing you fear – is your fear truly justified? What if the worst happens? What if the best happens? Mentally prepare and then release the emotion that’s not serving you.

A-Act. Take action! Don’t allow fear to mutate in your mind. After you face and evaluate your fear, determine the best action to address it and get in motion. Action is fear-repellant!

R-Reframe. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Reframe your attitude and perspective on the situation you’re facing, and remember that while you can’t always control the outcome of a situation, you can always control your attitude and your response. Decide that you’ll maintain a positive attitude and watch your situation reflect your decision.

Fear doesn’t have to be a big bad monster that keeps you stuck and going in circles. Use FEAR as a stepping stone to your personal growth.

Inspired Journaling Prompt: Write about a situation you’re currently facing that has you fearful or uncertain. Use FEAR to sort out how you can address the situation and eliminate fear.

Inspired Action: Apply the action steps in FEAR and kick fear in the butt once and for all!

For the Ladies: Conquering Superwoman Syndrome

So there you are – you’ve got 73 new emails, a phone that won’t stop ringing, a 2 pm deadline at the office, and you’re in the middle of the nastiest breakup in history. This is officially a meltdown. You fight back tears, but you know that you’ve reached your limit and something must change.

If you’ve ever been in this type of situation, you know how it feels to be facing Superwoman Syndrome – that nagging feeling of not being enough because you can’t be, do, and have it all at once while looking like Beyonce’, making money like Oprah, and dropping knowledge like Maya Angelou. I’ve spoken to women all over the world who have dealt with this and yet we all feel so alone – as if every other chick on the planet is making it all work effortlessly while we fail miserably. This feeling of needing to do it all and be it all usually starts in our teens and follows us into womanhood. We don’t even realize it until we have some type of breakdown or until we look up and realize that we’ve been so busy running on life’s treadmill in our Louboutin stilettos that we’ve forgotten that we’re human beings who require mental and emotional nourishment to be our best.

We have all heard the instructions of the airline attendant reminding us to put on our own oxygen masks before helping anyone else with theirs. And so it is in your life. No matter how many unchecked items there are on your to do list or how much your best friend needs you to bail her out (for the third time this week), you have to be happy, healthy, and filled up in order to show up at your best in your life. Think about it: how often have you felt guilty and selfish for saying no or for simply taking time away for yourself? Your personal success and happiness is the beginning of the success you create in every area of your life. This means fostering a mindset that encourages self-love, rest, pampering, and indulgences. In order to truly be an empowered woman who experiences feminine success, you have to get comfortable saying no to the good so you can say yes to the great. There’s nothing wrong with delegating a task to someone else or delaying a commitment for the sake of maintaining your own mental, emotional, and physical health. You can even encourage yourself by saying "I am caring for myself so that I am better able to care for others" or “The investment with the highest return is the investment in myself” or some other mantra that will encourage you. It also helps to remember that self-care doesn’t have to be composed of massively time-consuming acts. In fact, the best prescription for taking care of yourself is probably small, daily rituals; for example, taking one half-hour for yourself at the beginning and end of the day to meditate or journal or spending some time at the end of the day alone in a warm bath or relaxing on your patio.

Whatever you decide, make it a daily ritual to feed your spirit before putting on your Superwoman cape. You’ll find yourself more balanced and ready to handle the day. The oxygen you need is all around you; sometimes you just need to be reminded to breathe.

The D word that nobody uses enough

Discipline.

This is my word of the week.

In my office, I have this cool little white board. I have dry erase markers and every week, there's a word that I value that I put on the board. As I work, I see this word and it becomes a sort of mental soccer ball that I play with throughout the day. For the whole week, I am centering my loose thoughts on this word or concept.



This week's word is discipline, and as I was writing the Monday Motivation to the members of the Inspired Living Community, I realized that discipline is an overlooked word in lifestyle, business, and personal success. We hear about persistence and the importance of "going hard" no matter what, but how often are we reminded that success is largely a matter of personal responsibility?

I know discipline isn't as glamorous as the other words thrown around in inspirational quotes, but I don't know a single successful person who isn't disciplined in one or many ways. Without discipline, you find yourself never really finishing what you start because you slack off of the habits necessary to make major headway.

Sometimes we look at the success and accomplishments of others and marvel at what they've done. From Olympic athletes to billionaire moguls, we want to know the secret.

It's not smarts - we've seen some not so bright people who've managed to achieve success. It's not connections - we've seen people who were nobodies make names for themselves. It's not education or money or stunning good looks - it's the vision to do something meaningful, the choice to be excellent and have excellent things, and then the discipline to remain focused and see that intention through until the end.

In what areas of your life are you lacking discipline? The most important things you need to do are easy to do and easy not to do. It would be easy for you to drink water, exercise, read, work on your business, or invest in your relationships today, right? It'd also be just as easy to do the opposite. The difference is discipline. Get clear about what results you want to create and then distill the necessary actions down to 1-2 simple, powerful habits that can get you there when done consistently. There are no magic pills and potions - discipline and consistency is how you achieve anything worth while.

Focus on developing discipline this week and honoring your commitments to be, do, and have the best. No matter how hungry you are for success, you have to have a plan - and even if you have the best plan in the world, it means nothing if you don't have the discipline to execute the plan. Discipline is the secret to success.

Since you read this far, I'm willing to let you borrow discipline as your word this week too. I'm disciplined with eating veggies so I'm going to go enjoy some cabbage.

Later.

The 4 Reasons Your Last Relationship Failed

Between weddings, scandals, affairs, and meldowns, 2010 has been an interesting year for relationships. Just days ago, we watched as singer Fantasia was admitted to the hospital for an overdose of aspirin and sleeping pills days after defending accusations that she was responsible for the demise of Antwaun Cook's marriage via an affair and sex tape.

It's been a hot summer - I personally have watched several couples breakup, and I've seen mudslinging, blame, and anger galore. Amidst the chaos, I sat thinking about relationships and why they end...how complicated and messy they can be and how little responsibility we want to take when they fall apart.

I have always loved Iyanla Vanzant's In The Meantime - a great primer for anyone facing relationship changes. She examines the many reasons relationships end, and in pondering the recent trends I've observed, I've narrowed the failures down to 4 causes that manifest themselves in a variety of ways.

1. You didn’t have clarity about something at the onset (who you are, what you want, what you’re about, who he is, what he’s about, what he wants). How many times have we gone into relationships hoping to find ourselves or to have the other person define us? Relationships are not places for discovering identity - they're places for fully expressing who you've already chosen to be. If you go into a relationship not knowing who you are, there's a good chance you'll find yourself doing things you object to at some point. Clarity is an important part of partnering in an authentic way.

2. You did not tell the truth or the truth was not told to you. We can only take responsibility for ourselves, but oftentimes, we start relationships on lies because we're afraid to operate in our truth or we don't want to continue in the discomfort of being alone. We lie to ourselves hoping that if we repeat something long enough, it will somehow become the truth. It never works. When we lie to ourselves, we only make it difficult for us to trust anyone and believe in anything. The truth is the only foundation for building a healthy, functional relationship.

3. You settled or did not show up in the relationship in an authentic way. At some point in many relationships, we see the red flashing lights and hear the sirens. We learn, through observation or intuition, that the situation has taken a wrong turn and that our partnership is slowly become a slippery slope to destruction instead of a ladder to our destiny. Rather than bail and preserve ourselves, we persist, hoping against hope that we can change the other person, the relationship, or ourselves enough to save the union. We know we deserve better, but we stay until the pain of staying exceeds the pain of leaving.

4. You operated from fear. Fear is the greatest single producer of irrational and self-destructive choices. When we reflect on the bad decisions we've made in life, it's usually easy to see that the choice was not made from a place of power and love. The act of attempting to avoid some perceived negative consequence or uncomfortable experience clouds our judgment and shifts our awareness from love to fear.

Consciously choosing to enter relationships honestly and authentically can eliminate many of the traps that keep us stuck. Remembering to always come from love empowers us to always make choices that reflect our highest selves. Happy Partnering!

Later.

Where is your abundance?

This week is about ABUNDANCE. I want you to shift your mindset this week about abundance and what it means to you. Stop saying "If I had this..." or "I wish that..." or "Too bad that I can't..." Instead, replace those things with "What I do have is...", "What I can do is..." or "I'm going to..."

The POWER that you possess is unlimited, and you have the ability to choose whether your life continuously moves forward or lags behind. How? By giving up any excuses and using what you have, where you are, to get what you want. Many of the things that were reasons when you were a child are now excuses - but you have to possess a certain level of awareness to eliminate those trains of thought that are not serving you.

Here's a paradigm shifting exercise: Sit down and make a list of everything you have more than enough of - whether it's macaroni, shoes, or friends - keep going until you absolutely can't think of anything else. Then consider that the things you have in abundance could just as easily be things you lack. Consider that you created the reality you're experiencing, and because you have abundance in several areas, you possess the power necessary to replicate abundance in other areas of your life.

Decide today that nothing and no one will stop you from having overflow in your life. Stop settling for good enough and start commanding excellence in every area of your life. Remember that it starts with you and the choices you make - choose abundance and choose to live your INSPIRED LIFE!

Until next time, be inspired!

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure...

God does not rescue you from a burning building so you can seek shelter in it's charred remains. For a better future, release the past.-Alfred Edmond Jr

This quote was posted on Twitter a few days ago, and it hit home with a thought I had been having for several weeks.

As a lifestyle expert and “Inspiration Icon”, I spend my days inspiring people – whether writing books, hosting my radio show, producing films, or creating personal development tools and events. The interesting thing about this entrepreneurial/leadership lifestyle is that I’ve had to constantly work on being authentic – being sure that who I was behind the scenes is congruent with the leader showing up on TV, radio, print, etc.

I recently had a situation in my life erupt into a burning building. The unfortunate part about it was that God sent appropriate warnings before things started to burn. You know, it started with a :::sniff, sniff::: Do you smell something burning? Then it graduated to Boy, it sure is hot in here. Before I knew it, I was surrounded by roaring flames, and I was looking for a way out while also trying to understand and process how this had managed to happen.

The crazy thing about questionable situations or burning buildings is that sometimes we grow attached to our problems and challenges. In spite of being intellectually and physically able to address our issues and move to higher, safer ground, we somehow believe that the ability to put the fire out is tied to our identity and self-worth. Instead of smelling the smoke and leaving, we wait for evidence of a fire. And instead of racing down the stairwell when we feel the temperature rising, we assure ourselves that it’s just a little fire and that we can put it out if we’re good enough, smart enough, loving enough, whatever enough.

So, we wait. Like the frog in water that is dead by the time it realizes the temperature has risen to a fatal temperature, we stay hoping, thinking, surmising that we will be immune to the looming destruction.

After making an emergency exit from my burning building, I looked back woefully, feeling sad and uncertain, wishing the fire had never happened. And in a moment of despair, I considered running back into the building – charred remains and all – hoping against hope that I could rebuild it magically…hoping it was all an illusion and the fire never really happened.

Today, as I reflect on the quote, I am reminded of how important it is to always be saying no to the good so you can yes to the great. I’m passing this on to everyone in the Inspired Living Community because we all face this challenge at one time or another.

The lessons…
-Your identity and self-worth are not attached to destruction. The Divine Plan for your life does not require you to engage in self-destructive patterns in order to rise to your destiny.

-Buildings burn because of a spark – something that causes combustion. Trace the fire back to its origin, and insist on learning a meaningful lesson that can make you more effective in the future.

-Sometimes it’s best to leave things in their broken state and walk away instead of hurting yourself trying to put them back together.

-When you are ushered out of a burning building, do not return to the scene of the crime. You are not meant to stay in the “remains” or “aftermath” – you deserve healthy, vibrant, good things that perpetuate light and joy.

-Our capacity for growth is dictated by our decisions to release anything that does not align with who we’re becoming and claim those things that do.

If you smell anything burning in your life, address it now and if necessary, get out. When you face a situation fearlessly, there is no situation to face.

Until next time, be inspired!

Lisa

Book Review: Transformations by Renee Wiggings

Renee Wiggins, author and nutritional consultant, recently sent her book to me for review. She was a featured guest on my radio show several weeks back, and since then I've been looking forward to reading Transformations.

The book proved to be ideal for someone who needs easy to digest, daily inspiring messages to help them through a trying time. The layout is simple yet profound and offers the reader words of encouragement and the type of motivational messages that we all need in the midst of any transformation.

On Inspired Life Radio, Renee and I discussed how simple and advantageous change can be and how transformations are things we must willingly step into. Anyone who finds themselves in the midst of a change will find Transformations to be a helpful ally on their journey.

Purchase the book here.

Later!

Are you keeping your inspiration close?

I shot this in Marina del Rey after a fun boat ride out in the Pacific Ocean...ok, ok...it was choppy that day and a little scary...but fun and inspiring still. The video was actually shot in the pier because the water outside of it was crazy. Anyway, this is all about keeping your inspiration close and discovering what stirs your imagination and sparks your creativity. Enjoy!

The Science of A Happy Marriage

**This is an interesting article I stumbled across today and I'm sharing it here because it's brilliant, and I've personally seen these dynamics at work in my own relationships. Read on & use this to strengthen your relationships!**



Hiding Beneath the Surface

Can a married couple be too close for their own good? Can intimacy lead a couple to break up? New brain science shows us that it can. If couples have not mastered the changing stages of marriage, breakup is possible, and often predictable because the human brain dictates a series of natural responses during the life of a relationship. How we handle those stages can make or break a marriage.

For 20 years I have been studying how women's and men's brains affect marriage, from the first blush of romance all the way through to lifelong partnership. Understanding the behavioral differences involved can be the key to making love last a lifetime.

Stage 1: Romance

When two lovers come together, their brains begin to "fall in love." The couple's pheromones -- chemical signals that work through our senses -- are very high, so when they smell each other or look into each other's eyes, their separate male and female minds become like one. High levels of oxytocin, a bonding hormone, may hide irritating behaviors from each other. But "lovers' bliss" ultimately ends, and a new biological stage of the relationship begins.

Stage 2: Disillusionment

After a few months or even a year, our hormones and brain chemistry begin to change, and our "thinking" brain -- the cerebral cortex -- may notice that our partner is flawed. We feel anger toward each other, irritation, even fear at times. If we married our partner during the Romance stage, we might, in Stage 2, begin to have second thoughts.

Perhaps the wife starts wondering, "What could he be thinking?" as he lies on the couch watching TV instead of doting on her. She feels rejected, especially since he no longer tells her what he's feeling when he feels it.

He can't understand why she's become critical of him about little things. They've been together a few years; they may have a child by now. What else could she want? He feels he's doing something wrong, but can't figure out how to fix it.

The brain chemicals that took over during the early stages of courtship and romance have dissipated, as if a rug was pulled out from under love. How easy it is to think there's now something wrong with ourselves or our partner. How easy to say, "He/she is not the person I married."

But this confusing place is a normal stage, a chemical letdown in both their brains. It's also a necessary next step in helping two very different brain systems come together for life.

Stage 3: Power Struggle

Two people who experience Disillusionment will usually initiate Power Struggle. They will counter the invisible chemical letdown by trying to change each other back to who they were -- or thought they were -- in the Romance stage. A man and a woman who are in love and struggling in this way will have the added difficulty (and ammunition) of being neurally "different" -- for the male and female brains think, act, behave and even love quite uniquely.

This is a painful time. But couples who are locked in Power Struggle don't realize their brain differences can actually be the key to long-term marriage.

After Romance ebbs, the man may want more independent activities, the woman more contact with friends. While this tendency has a foundation in learned behaviors and gender roles, hormones like testosterone and estrogen support these differences.

What's the impact of this on marriage? Well, one of the main reasons we pick at each other mercilessly during the Power Struggle stage is our differing attitudes toward marital independence. Not surprisingly, first marriages that end in divorce last an average of seven to eight years -- the very time we are trying to "change" the other person.

Yet nature does not allow us to turn back the chemical and neural clock. Nature keeps moving forward in the life cycle. A new stage of marital love awaits when the couple can finally discover each other, both as lovers and as men and women. It will require one or both to awaken to something that has been hiding beneath the surface.
Intimate Separateness

Stage 4: Awakening

What many couples don't understand is that before drifting apart, there is an earlier step that goes unnoticed. In Romance, Disillusionment and Power Struggle, the man and woman become too close, erasing one another's individuality. A man might see his wife's emotionality, need to communicate, desire for sensual romance, even attitude toward housework as a waste of time. She might see her husband's habits, hobbies, preoccupation with work, and need for independence as dangerous or selfish. In Stage 4, the couple awaken to the realization that they've been too close to each other in unhealthy ways and must now psychologically separate. This separation does not mean divorce -- it means understanding. In this new stage, the thinking brain overrides emotional responses that could cause conflict and a feeling of grief over their lost romance.

A man might step back and say nothing when he sees his wife doing something that irritates -- he just mentally steps around it. A woman might supportively say, "I get what that's about now," when he does something equally irritating to her.

Ultimately men realize that women are right: A relationship is most likely doomed if there isn't enough togetherness. But men are right, too: It is most likely in serious trouble if there is not enough independence.

When we are too far away from each other, that amazing love we knew at the beginning will die. Yet when we are so close that one person will not allow the other to be himself or herself, the marriage can't survive. Understanding the strengths of male and female chemistry is the key to success.

Stage 5: Long-Term Marriage

The balance between the prototypical male and female ways of relating is a balanced state of love I call Intimate Separateness. The Power Struggle of Stage 3 dissipates, and strategies of mature love that nurture both intimacy and separateness take over. Couples live together, raise children, love and are loved, but not because they've become the same as each other -- in fact, because they've learned to be happily different.

To Foster Intimacy

* A happy couple in a happy marriage develop bonding rituals, like date nights, family dinners, talking on the phone or e-mailing when one of them is traveling. These rituals become the pillars that hold up the marriage. Every moment of the relationship does not have to be intimate -- the husband and wife know that the bonding rituals will sustain the power of love when life gets busy and stressful.
* They practice kindness and politeness with each other in at least 95 percent of their interactions. There is perhaps no one who deserves better treatment than one's spouse, but when we're locked in Power Struggle, we think our partner should be our constant object of stress ventilation. The frontal lobes are really doing their mature job when we realize how a good marriage depends on kindness.
* They resolve arguments rather than letting things fester. Sure, they get angry and argue, but they make sure to apologize for meanness, and solve their conflicts. When needed, they get help from friends, extended family or professionals.

To Protect Separateness

* They appreciate each other's eccentricities and differences, especially as woman and man. Perhaps he hogs the remote control when they watch TV. Instead of reacting, she chuckles. Or perhaps she wants to talk about her feelings with him; he understands how important this is to her as a woman and takes the time to listen.
* They develop different sets of friends, generally female for her and male for him, and encourage each other in these friendships. Over the years they may find that even while their spouse is their best friend, they are still getting much of their emotional needs met through others.
* They allow each other different marital domains. If a special project, a hobby or sport, a way of socializing is very important to one, the other helps promote that. This way, each partner has a personal place, a time, an activity which brings meaning and power.

There's tremendous value in knowing that your feelings toward one another are likely to change over time and that change is normal. Your brain chemistry plays a role, and there's no point in fighting it. Instead, let biology guide you toward understanding, and natural, long-term love. After all, human beings are creatures of nature, and nature is very wise indeed.

Vitamin N - the ultimate success nutrient

Vitamin N

I’m so excited to tell you about this revolutionary new vitamin that can change your life!

It’s Vitamin No – the vitamin that gives you the stamina to overcome obstacles and stay positive. What if I told you that the word “no” was a vitamin? It can be! In fact, for the Inspired Lifer like you, it should be.

Think about how many times you’ve heard no or been rejected for one reason or another – it usually stings or feels bad and sometimes it can be devastating. But here’s the deal: You’re on an upward spiral toward your destiny – your destiny, though, is not a destination – it’s a journey and an evolution. On your path of growth, expansion, and forward motion, you’ll hear a certain number of “no”s. It’s inevitable – every amazing feat has been shunned by small minds before it was accepted as the brilliance it truly is. Think of how things like the light bulb, the car, and the television started. They were all considered to be “silly” and people said they’d never work. And now, we take these inventions for granted.

Reframing the concept of being rejected creates power. You are on a divine path – one that no one can disturb or interrupt. If something good is being taken from you, it’s only because something great is going to replace it. With that understanding, the word “no” is a vitamin that merely indicates “not this one” or “not now” instead of “You’re not good enough”, “You can’t do it” or “You’re a failure.”

This week, whenever you hear “no”, remember that it’s a vitamin that’s nourishing your courage and empowering you to fully own the big “yes” that’s on its way.

Inspired Journaling Prompt: Write about what you’ll do next time you hear “no” instead of choosing sadness, frustration, or anger.

Inspired Action: Put the systems and structures in place for you to be instantly inspired next time you hear “no”. Move your vision board to a more visible place, print your favorite article or post an inspiring quote where you can see it. Set yourself up for a positive frame of mind and remember that Vitamin N is extra healthy for you!

The Inspired Living Challenge is BACK!!!

WOO HOO!

The Inspired Living Challenge is BACK for 2010 - it's 30 days of inspiring challenges to empower and stretch you. We cover it all - nutrition, spirituality, mindset, relationships, and more. You do NOT want to miss this - people from all over the world will be participating in this challenge and transforming their lives.

Check out this video and go sign up here!

Don't Down The Noise!!!

Have you ever had an unexplained hunch? It seemed like an internal urge to do something – or not do something – and even though you couldn’t explain it, you knew for sure it was there. Have you had a mental flash of an image or idea? It seemed to come out of nowhere, but it was vivid and clear.

Those things are function of your intuition which is a part of your spiritual faculties. Your ability to clearly discern your intuition has everything to do with your level of “internal noise”. What is internal noise? Internal noise is excessive mental and emotional clutter – thoughts, ideas, fears, to do lists, etc. It’s all the stuff that’s scattered around in your mind and spirit. Imagine being a room that had a 3 televisions playing 3 different movies, 2 radios tuned to 2 different stations, a desktop computer playing an audio file, a laptop computer downloading information, a landline phone ringing, and a cell phone receiving text messages. Dizzying, right? Imagine a small, still voice trying to communicate something amidst all of that chaos. How could you possibly hear anything over all of that commotion? You couldn’t. And that’s what it’s like inside of you when there’s internal noise.

When God is speaking through your intuition, it’s in a small still voice or a flash of inspiration. If you’re internally noisy, you can’t hear it and you miss life-changing moments. How many times have we said something like, “I should have followed my mind” or “Something told me not to do that”. That’s intuition – gently guiding us to where we should be but never forcing us to take the enlightened path.

Today, I challenge you to turn down the internal noise and create a tranquil inner space for your intuition to be loud and clear. Here are some easy ways you can turn the internal noise down:

-Meditate. Even if it’s just 5 minutes in the morning, spend some time in stillness before you begin the day. Close your eyes, take deep breaths, and gently clear away any thoughts to just focus on being present. Then slowly begin to see yourself in an ideal space of happiness, love, and abundance.

-Journal. Journaling gets it all out so spend some time writing about the things that are loudest in your inner space. Whether it’s a troubled relationship or a lingering problem, write about it honestly and thoroughly. Release it on the page and allow yourself to be open to the solution.

-Change your environment. Getting away – whether it’s a walk around the block or a week in another country – can inspire clarity and inner quiet. New surroundings require that we be totally present and observant of ourselves and our surroundings, thereby pushing the mute button on inner noise and inviting revelation and creativity.

Inspired Journaling Prompt: Write about a situation in your life when you followed a “hunch” and had a wonderful outcome. Write about other ways following your intuition can empower you.

Inspired Action: Listen! Listen to God’s voice and act on what you hear. Don’t let grass grow under your intuitive leads – take action right away!

Wonder Woman Wednesday

Hey guys!



I'm Honey Magazine's Wonder Woman today! Check out the link: http://www.honeymag.com/2010/lifestyle/wonder-woman-wednesdays-lisa-nicole-bell/

Enjoy!

Your life is your CHOICE

Your life is your choice.

How often have we felt helpless in the face of everything that seems to hold us back? The past, the present, money, relationships, weight, appearance, self-esteem, education, connections – we can come up with so many reasons for why we aren’t successful.

The power to transcend all of that and become who you were meant to be lies within you and the choices you make. Ultimately, you assign meaning to your circumstances; they don’t assign meaning to you. No matter where you’ve been or what you’ve been through, you can start today and make your life an expression of possibility, fulfillment, success, and love.

Preparation is a demonstration of faith because true faith is revealed through action. We’ve heard about the countless visualization techniques out there, but the most revealing demonstration of faith is whether you’re prepared to receive what you say you want. What do you believe to be true about your life? Is there tangible evidence of that belief? Let’s say you ordered a sofa today and it was scheduled to be delivered tomorrow. How would you prepare? You’d move the old sofa out, right? You’d clear out the tables and lamps so that the movers could bring the sofa straight through the door and into the space you had set aside for it. You’d want to be sure you were home so the movers could get in to make the delivery. You would be ready. Are you ready for what you want to receive in your life? Your blessings are on the way, but are you ready? Are you in the right place to receive your blessings? Your destiny is racing towards you just as quickly as you’re racing towards it! Have you done the preparation for your blessings to come flowing easily and quickly into your life? Remember that we don’t get what we want; we get what we prepare for.

Keep your inspiration close. What really inspires you? What makes you feel completely alive? What makes your spirit sing? Even the most successful people will tell you that they’ve had tough days or even tough years. We’ve all been through seasons that tested the very essence of our spirit and left us wondering whether we were on the right path. But you’re here, and you’re still moving forward. Discover what inspires and awakens you and keep it close. When you feel sad, drained, angry, or frustrated, turn to those things, people, places, and ideas to keep you focused and positive.

Take consistent action. Now is the time. Think about it: Everything that happened yesterday is in the past. It’s over and done with and can’t be reclaimed. And the future isn’t here yet – it hasn’t happened so your only power over it is limited to a present intention. That means that all you truly have is NOW. And what are you doing with your now? Memories are better than regrets – memories are nothing more than a series of really great “now”s – invest your mental and emotional energy into the now and begin to see now as the greatest gift to be, do, and have the abundance life has to offer. When you catch yourself worrying, ask yourself, "What am I avoiding now by using up this moment with worry?" Then take specific action.
Your life is your choice; choose wisely.

Since you’re an Inspired Lifer, I want you to live forever. Really I do. I think people who are showing up in the world, making meaningful contributions, and playing a BIG game should be around for as long as possible so they can continue to impact the world in a positive way. But alas, forever young is but a fantasy…but that doesn’t mean that you can’t slow down or even reverse the aging process.

You may be aware that the Inspired Living Challenge is on the horizon (7/7 is the official date we’ll get going!) and if you participated last year, you probably remember what I had to say about sugar. Welp, I’m saying it again.

SUGAR is your body’s worst enemy. Now if a murderer or thief wanted to come and hang out at your home, you’d probably object. Consider sugar the murderer and thief – it’s been caught stealing a youthful appearances and it’s been convicted of murdering health.

There are an infinite number of “healthy” lifestyle choices you could make – cutting out alcohol, exercising more often, cutting out red meat (and eventually I’ll address all of these – exciting huh?) but if you had to make only one choice, eliminating processed sugar would be a lifesaving choice.

So you’re probably going, “Yeah ok, Lisa, it sounds great now, but it won’t be quite as inspiring when I’m starving and just want to grab a candy bar.” You’re right. And that’s why I’m supplying the tips below to help you over the hump. It’s also why I’m sharing these 76 reasons sugar ruins your health…because you can’t have too much motivation.

-Eat 4-6 small meals during the day. Craving sugar and binging often comes from a dip in energy levels, but consuming refined sugar causes a spike in insulin levels which speeds up aging, inside and out.

- Drink water help curb sugar cravings. You’d be surprised how much a little water will do for you. Sometimes we’re reaching for sugar because we really want a snack and water is filling and energizing.

-Find alternatives to your usual sugary treats. If you’re a cookie monster, seek out natural, honey sweetened cookies to replace your Oreos. If you’re a candy connoisseur (I sympathize with you because I used to be addicted – been clean since 2007!), find organic fruit snacks and natural candy that contains simple fruit juices. It’s next to impossible to break a bad habit without replacing it with a good one so set yourself up for success by finding your alternatives first, then making the switch.

-Before reaching for sugar, try eating protein or having a small meal. If you crave something sweet, try fruit! It's called nature's candy for good reason. Pause periodically to ponder the good choice you're making for your health!

And if all else fails, read this list. Like I said, you’re an Inspired Lifer and you know that health is a fundamental principle to living well. So, get off the white stuff and turn back the clock!