I'm making this incredibly personal post to put myself on blast and hopefully inspire someone out there in cyberspace to take my advice. I've been poking around online the past week or so looking at various posts about how to "win in 2010" and how to make "2010 a 10"...and most of them have been good - helpful in some regard and food for thought.
However, none of them have dealt with the big, ugly monster I've been wrestling for about 3 weeks - overachiever's guilt. Some people may roll their eyes at this idea, but anyone who is purposeful, accomplished, and ambitious can probably relate on some level - you've either been there or you're there now.
So, here's my deal - it feels like I'm lagging. Why? I have no idea. In reality, 2009 was a very big year for me. I got a lot done and even more in place for a stellar 2010. I'm properly positioned to go to the next level, and there's nothing standing in my way. So why this angsty feeling?
As an overachiever, I sometimes find myself using an unrealistic measuring stick for myself. I somehow believe that I "should have" accomplished things someone twice my age has and I occasionally wrestle with the typical entrepreneur's mental hampster wheel of always feeling the need to be "productive". Every one around me has been stoked about 2010, and honestly, deep down inside, I am too...because on a subconscious level, I know I'm winning...I know I'm positioned for amazing things, but on the conscious level, it feels blah...
But that was until I started one of my New Year's Eve rituals - lesson mining - for 2009. I began making a list of successes and wins from 2009. For whatever reason, I expected to struggle with this, but as I surveyed the various areas of my life, I realized that 2009 has been exceptional and that I have so much to celebrate! I realized that I had been allowing overachiever's guilt to keep me stuck in a place of thinking I was doing enough or that there wasn't enough happening. The truth is that I've grown exponentially and that I'm learning to do less and achieve more.
I'm also realizing that much of my discomfort comes from growth. When we're out of our comfort zones, we're growing and we're moving into new spaces. Over time, I've grown comfortable with discomfort. I live outside of my comfort zone - always pushing, always stretching, always reaching. And it's a wonderful acquired taste.
After coming to this realization, I'm much more at peace. I understand that as a woman who has larger than life dreams, insatiable hunger for knowledge, and a relentless work ethic, I will rarely feel complete satisfaction, and I'm finally okay with that. In fact, it's that faint dissatisfaction, that unyielding curiosity about possibility, that spurs me on to defy odds and be, do, and have more. I am mastering that delicate balance of being content enough to be grateful and have peace while being dissatisfied enough to keep my edge and use my creativity and skills to create new successes for myself and others. I'm evolving into new elements of myself...and now that I understand this, I can be happy about it. Yes.
So, as I spend the remainder of my evening praying, writing, reading, and meditating, I eagerly anticipate bringing in 2010 with new levels of clarity and inspiration. I believe I will reflect on this time and see the turning point that is this moment. As I move gratefully and happily into this new decade, I look forward to continuing to shoot for the moon and share the journey with you.
May God richly bless you and keep you!
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