The L Chronicles: Stranded

[Note: This is a personal blog. Some of them are not personal - they empower you. Some of them are personal - they empower me. This one is very, very personal. Enjoy.]

Today, I went to CVS to pick up a couple of items. I've got a head full of natural waves, coils, and curls, and so, I'm addicted to the hair care isle of any department or drug store.

My natural hair is a "thing" for me...one that I explained here when I discussed what it meant to me to have natural hair.



I had just left a meeting with a member of the Inspired Girls advisory board and we started the conversation with, "Girl, you are working those curls...how you doin?" because that's just how we talk. In a land of waist length weaves and Beyonce dye jobs, we stand out in all of our natural glory.

As I stood on the hair isle in CVS, eyeing how overpriced their Neutrogena products are, I overheard a woman say, "Well, I'm not sure about this...for your hair...I mean...with the type of hair you have. I don't know about that, so let's go with this." I glanced up to see who was talking and more importantly to see who the comment was for and I saw a Caucasian woman who appeared to be in her 60s talking to a young girl who appeared to be black. The girl had gorgeous, thick natural hair...and of course, the white woman had straight hair (it was short and grey). The look on the girl's face was a blend of confusion with disappointment.

Instantly my heart sank. I just stood there, staring, and then quickly looked away to not seem obvious. My chest got tight, and I quickly walked off.

As I stood in front of the paper towels with tears in my eyes, I tried to understand what was going on with me. Was this PMS or was I feeling some kind of way about what I had just heard? I realized it was the latter and I felt compelled to go back over and say something, anything, to make it better somehow.

But what would I say without seeming like a pushy, militant black woman? Of course, my braidout was fluffed to perfection and my curls were defined so I would appear to be a reasonable adviser on the matter but still...I'd be sticking my nose where I wasn't invited.

I went back and forth with myself and finally decided to go over...I got back to the hair isle and they were gone. I went to the front and checked out and left the store with tears streaming down my face.

Perhaps I'm way too sensitive when it comes to this hair stuff, but for some of us, it's deeper than hair. It's about our identity and feeling beautiful and swimming upstream in a straight haired culture.

I sat in the car for a minute and realized that I was so bothered because I, as a grown woman, spent years realizing that I had to remove the kinks from my mind, not my hair. It took a shift in my consciousness for me to understand that I'm gorgeous through and through and that untamed curls or a silky press do not change that. Perhaps I was projecting my past issues onto this girl, but I had the feeling that there weren't any natural haired black women around to tell her how beautiful her hair is and to show her how to care for it properly. I would imagine that her white caregiver was overwhelmed and confused with where to begin with her thick, coily hair.

As I sat in my car, I closed my eyes and said a prayer for the girl. I prayed that light, love, and peace would surround her...that even if she grew up facing the typical ups and downs of life, she'd never feel less beautiful because of her hair. I prayed that she would look in the mirror and see beauty tangled in her strands and that her hair would be a source of pride and distinction.

I drove off wishing that level of liberation for every woman. I know that chemicals are mere style choices for some, but for many, they're unconsciously wrapped up in a system that's telling them they're not light enough, thin enough or pretty enough so they buy the weaves, the creams, and the clothes, hoping to make some invisible and unattainable cut.

I'm happy to say that I'm liberated from allowing my hair to define me, and I can't help but want the same freedom for every other woman - white, black, or other.

The lesson? Say what you want to say. You don't know whose life can be blessed & transformed by you simply stating your truth. Next time, I'll politely state mine. What I say is my responsibility; how people respond is theirs.

Later.

L Chronicles: Becoming A Leader's Leader

I had an interesting epiphany this week. Amidst the throes of change, unexpected twists and turns, and even some disappointment, I uncovered a valuable lesson about leadership.

Last year, I decided to really start scaling my company's operations and one of the ways I have gone about doing that is team building. It's been a fascinating learning process, and I do feel much more competent as a leader. That confidence didn't come without some mistakes, but I firmly believe in the value of experience.

I was faced with several decisions throughout the week - all of which involved people other than me, seen and unseen. As I analyzed the options and attempted to look at every angle, I took a step back to consider what the situation may look like through the eyes of the people affected. I attempted to balance the greater good for all involved with any personal issues I had. I found myself wanting to make decisions based on my personal logic versus the logic of the many stakeholders who are affected by my choices. I took the responsibility of not necessarily doing what was easiest or most comfortable.

On a recent Inspired Living Coaching Call, I talked to the members about leadership and how important it is to remember that as a leader, you're responsible, to varying degrees, for other people. Your interests have to become a smaller piece of a bigger puzzle and your choices have to reflect that.

As I sat pondering each of my choices after the fact, I realized that I had grown as a leader in my ability to have uncomfortable conversations and do uncomfortable things. Then I realized that among my team building goals was to groom leaders, not followers. I want my team members to be empowered - to be confident in their decision making abilities and to be able to make the tough call - even when their emotions are on an obstacle course trying to do it.

And I realized that in order to groom this ideal leader, I have to be that person first and lead myself. I have to develop the mental toughness and emotional tenacity necessary to separate personal feelings from any business at hand and then be able to exemplify that with my team.

I certainly don't profess to have all the answers, and I respect my growth as a learning process that comes with its share of mistakes and challenges. But I'll continue to push onward and upward, evolving as a leader's leader as I go.

Later.

Reflecting & Regrouping - An Overachiever's Confessions

I'm making this incredibly personal post to put myself on blast and hopefully inspire someone out there in cyberspace to take my advice. I've been poking around online the past week or so looking at various posts about how to "win in 2010" and how to make "2010 a 10"...and most of them have been good - helpful in some regard and food for thought.

However, none of them have dealt with the big, ugly monster I've been wrestling for about 3 weeks - overachiever's guilt. Some people may roll their eyes at this idea, but anyone who is purposeful, accomplished, and ambitious can probably relate on some level - you've either been there or you're there now.

So, here's my deal - it feels like I'm lagging. Why? I have no idea. In reality, 2009 was a very big year for me. I got a lot done and even more in place for a stellar 2010. I'm properly positioned to go to the next level, and there's nothing standing in my way. So why this angsty feeling?

As an overachiever, I sometimes find myself using an unrealistic measuring stick for myself. I somehow believe that I "should have" accomplished things someone twice my age has and I occasionally wrestle with the typical entrepreneur's mental hampster wheel of always feeling the need to be "productive". Every one around me has been stoked about 2010, and honestly, deep down inside, I am too...because on a subconscious level, I know I'm winning...I know I'm positioned for amazing things, but on the conscious level, it feels blah...

But that was until I started one of my New Year's Eve rituals - lesson mining - for 2009. I began making a list of successes and wins from 2009. For whatever reason, I expected to struggle with this, but as I surveyed the various areas of my life, I realized that 2009 has been exceptional and that I have so much to celebrate! I realized that I had been allowing overachiever's guilt to keep me stuck in a place of thinking I was doing enough or that there wasn't enough happening. The truth is that I've grown exponentially and that I'm learning to do less and achieve more.

I'm also realizing that much of my discomfort comes from growth. When we're out of our comfort zones, we're growing and we're moving into new spaces. Over time, I've grown comfortable with discomfort. I live outside of my comfort zone - always pushing, always stretching, always reaching. And it's a wonderful acquired taste.

After coming to this realization, I'm much more at peace. I understand that as a woman who has larger than life dreams, insatiable hunger for knowledge, and a relentless work ethic, I will rarely feel complete satisfaction, and I'm finally okay with that. In fact, it's that faint dissatisfaction, that unyielding curiosity about possibility, that spurs me on to defy odds and be, do, and have more. I am mastering that delicate balance of being content enough to be grateful and have peace while being dissatisfied enough to keep my edge and use my creativity and skills to create new successes for myself and others. I'm evolving into new elements of myself...and now that I understand this, I can be happy about it. Yes.

So, as I spend the remainder of my evening praying, writing, reading, and meditating, I eagerly anticipate bringing in 2010 with new levels of clarity and inspiration. I believe I will reflect on this time and see the turning point that is this moment. As I move gratefully and happily into this new decade, I look forward to continuing to shoot for the moon and share the journey with you.

May God richly bless you and keep you!

My Christmas Wish For You

Today is a special day - even for those who don't celebrate Christmas, it's a time for everyone to gather with family and spend time in gratitude, joy, and reflection.

Today, I wish good things for you. I wish that you would spend time connecting with your loved ones. I wish that you would make a list of 10 things you're grateful for. I wish that you would be filled with joy and happiness for all that is around you. I wish good health, fond memories, and many laughs for you.

I wish that you would take moments away from the hustle and bustle to reflect on the year - on your success, your challenges, and your areas of opportunity. I wish that you would decide not to create any more resolutions and instead opt to use your vision of your destiny as the basis for creating goals and a plan that will leave for more successful, more healthy, more fulfilled, and more humble.

I wish an exceptional life for you, filled with all the good things you can stand and so much more. I wish love, light, and peace for you both now and always.

And all I ask in return is that you do all you can to make my wishes come true!

Merry Christmas!

Wearing Multiple Hats

So many of you know that I'm a multi-hyphenate...I do lots of different things and wear lots of different hats. I have a love/hate relationship with the titles at times because I tend to believe that people who do too many things can easily become a jack of all trades and master of none. However, I do believe it's totally possible to possess talents in several areas and to be able to integrate those things efficiently to create a career that serves the individual and leads to a sense of fulfillment.

I'm a published author, speaker, filmmaker, entrepreneur, and radio show host. I often giggle at myself when I choose what to share when someone says, "So, what do you do?" because even those the answer is usually "author, filmmaker, entrepreneur", it sometimes changes according to the environment. And maybe that's a good thing.

Several years ago, I struggled with this. I felt that I had to be one or the other...either a Type A or Type B...either a corporate type or artistic type...either a businesswoman or an actress/filmmaker. And the toggle between the two sent me into depression, frustration, and disillusionment. I felt lost...and I never felt completely comfortable in my own skin. I always felt like I should be doing something else...like I was going through the motions wherever I was. One day, I was hit by lightning...and I realized that I didn't have to choose - that I could choose to craft an authentic and ideal career for myself if I would be true to my passions and the things that came easiest to me. And voila! My career was born.

I had developed some great skills prior to that time by virtue of playing hopscotch between entertainment and business. I knew how to close a deal, make a sale, and nail a presentation. I could manage time, organize workspace, and engage in watercooler chat. On the flip side, I could create a character from scratch, write an engaging article, and produce a play. I could write a screenplay, nail an audition, and talk my head off. So, why was I choosing? Who was this imaginary person forcing me to "be" one or the other?

Over time, I realized that nobody was holding me down but me. I think this is true for a lot of people. We feel that we've got to fit neatly into boxes so that other people can properly categorize us and feel comfortable with us. But what if we decided to step into our authentic selves - in all of their messy, unorthodox glory? I have developed my most amazing relationships with other authentic people...people who just let it be and insist on allowing themselves to evolve and grow as human beings should. They refuse to be one dimensional or to sing one note. They live & experience life out loud.

I'm always saying that - "live out loud" - but I say it so often because so many people are living a single side of their duality or multiplicity. They somehow feel that the validity of one aspect of themselves will be diluted if they step into that new phase or role - that they can't possibly be, do, or have more than one thing at a time.

I've excitedly watched as the trend of entrepreneurship, moonlighting, and "side hustles" has risen in 2009. I love watching people flirt with and give in to the elements that comprise them that have been previously suppressed.

In the spirit of lesson mining, I offer this:
~Allow yourself to evolve. The tendency to want to remain the same is natural but unhealthy, in my opinion. The world is always in flux, as are we. We are not to be the same forever.

~Stability is often an excuse for laziness. Nothing leads to mediocrity faster than the tendency for people to want to not rock the boat.

~Never allow anyone to box you in! I decided earlier this year that I was done thinking outside the box - I threw the stupid box away! I don't need a box. My world is infinite and has endless possibilities. I choose this reality and I encourage you to choose the same.

~Jump out of the plane! Live out loud! Decide to express the many colors of your personality and allow yourself to live in a space of childlike wonder with yourself and the opportunities around you. You're put here to achieve multiple things before you pass on so make the most of your time by giving every shade of your being a fair chance.

Later.

A word on honesty...

I recently had a situation occur where someone close to me lied to me. Unfortunately, this wasn't the first time this person had lied about something, and I found myself disappointed, frustrated, and confused. After all, I made it clear to this person after the first incident that lying was unacceptable and that I was a "safe" person - one with whom this person could be honest.

After spending time in reflection, I realized that this person's issues are simply deep and do not concern me. When situations like these occur, it's easy to start looking for a place to lay blame. Blame and the assignment of responsibility help us make sense of things and allow the logical parts of our brains to be at rest knowing that something or someone caused an incident to occur.

However, sometimes, there is no cause other than a lack of integrity and poor character. We can't get apples from an orange tree so the best course of action is to believe what we see from dishonest people and to then handle them accordingly.

While I do believe in second chances, and generally speaking, I believe people can change, I also believe it's rare. The human psyche plays so many tricks on us and often hinders us from ascending to our full potential. Even when given new opportunities to get it right, we often find ourselves feeling as if it "couldn't have been that bad" since the worst didn't happen. And yet the grace which could have been easily been withheld goes taken for granted.

If you've followed me anywhere for any length of time, you know I'm a lesson miner. I very strongly believe in mining life's experiences for lessons that can empower us to live well in the future. And so, I'm taking several important lessons from this and I'm reminded of others...

~Another person's lack of integrity is never your fault. Personal responsibility is king and cannot be evaded. Ever.

~People must want change for themselves and be fervent in their pursuit of it. There's nothing that can be done to help the person who does not help him or her self.

~When you choose to behave in accordance with your values and morals, those same things will follow you. Revenge is for people who do not believe in the Law of Reaping & Sowing. Revenge negates your own flow of love, joy, peace, and abundance so allow God to deal justly with those who mistreat you.

This person will be graciously removed from my life, and space will be opened for someone else!

Later.

Random Thoughts on a Friday...

It's Friday!! Not that I'm really celebrating since my days have a tendency to run together. Ever since I left corporate America, the days have an interesting rhythm. Anyhoo, it's a wonderful thing because it means that I don't dread Monday and not any more excited about Friday than I am every other day of the week. It's nice to be excited about every day.

I'm going to see Good Hair with the coproducer of a new film I'm working on. I'm apprehensive about this film (Good Hair) because I have a feeling that it didn't do the topic justice. Maybe I'm biased as a newly natural woman who is concerned with programming and conditioning of black girls and their hair. I'm keeping an open mind...we'll see.

I haven't unpacked from my 3 week run...I don't know what it is about unpacking that I absolutely detest. Fortunately, I've been traveling so much this year that I've been able to cheat and leave things packed until the next trip. LOL I leave for Dallas Friday and I have barely unpacked the essentials. Meh.

I bought a Blackberry Tour the other week, but I miss my Curve. The Tour is nice...it's just...I don't know. I'm still not completely used to it, and it has a couple of annoying settings that I'm working around. Whatever.

It's so SUNNY in LA today!!! I've been facing wind, clouds, overcast skies, and grey weather on the east coast. Even though I heart NYC, I looooove sunshine and warm temps. I'm happy to be in LA...today...and this only furthers my suspicion that I should be bicoastal. I've got good cause to be on both coasts - I need the sunshine, Hollywood, Whole Foods, and yoga...but I also need $5 pashminas on the street, fashion, amazing food, business, and a great nightlife. Yes, the time is nearing for me to make the leap.

Journaling is an extremely powerful thing...I think a lot of people underestimate the power of putting the pen to the pad. I'm guessing that I'm partial to it because I'm a writer, but beyond that, writing and journaling have gotten me through some of the most difficult times in my life. I'm grateful for what writing has been to me and what has allowed me to do with myself and for myself.

I have an audition today. Totally random. It's interesting because last year I moved behind the camera and fell in love with it. Part of it is my undying need to create and the other part is my control freak coming out. Anyway, I like being on the production side of things, but I kept my on camera representation. After all, the residuals from camera work are nice, and I like mailbox money! So, it's off to a Verizon audition we go.

I'm working on a new book for girls, and I'm really stoked about what this will become. There's such an amazing opportunity with Inspired Girls and all of it subsidiaries so I'm looking forward to getting this into the hands of the girls in our community!

Alright enough blogging...time to run some errands before the movie!

Later.

No Fear

So I was on a plane Tuesday from Memphis to Philadelphia when the stewardess came over the speakers saying that we would have to land in Knoxville because the computer on the plane was malfunctioning. My limited knowledge of planes kept me from being able to really assess the threat level of a computer malfunction, but I was concerned. Several minutes later, she said we had too much weight to land in Knoxville and would need to burn fuel in the air for about 20 minutes before we could land. So, we flew in what I assume were circles and then landed. Technicians came to the plane and began checking things.

I was relieved when we got on the ground and hoped that they would de-plane us and put us on another plane. The technicians "fixed" our plane so we fired it up and took off again for Philadelphia.

I was nervous when we took off...what if they hadn't fixed it? What if it malfunctioned again? What if something else went terribly wrong? What if I died?

What if I died? No, really...what if? What would people say? Who did I speak to last and what was it about? How would people remember me? What would be unfinished? I gave thought to these questions, and I realized that I've gotten much better about tying up my loose ends...saying I love you often, hugging often, laughing often, sharing my wisdom and inspiration often. As I thought about the possibility, I realized that I would be ok with that. Did I want to die? Of course not. But did I regret having not said or done things? NO. And that was such a great feeling...to know that if I left the earth now, I'd have no regrets because I live an amazing life filled with purpose, joy, and fun and that the people I love and cherish would know exactly what they meant to me because I told them so and did things to show it.



After hearing about so many plane crashes over the past couple of years, it's easy to let your mind wander. I decided not to let it stress me. I prayed silently and decided to sleep. I slept soundly for a while and as I woke up, the stewardess was telling us we'd be landing soon.

We landed without incident, and I breathed a sigh of relief. We made it safely, and I was happy...happy because we were on the ground safe and sound but even more happy because my life is being lived out loud...with full expression of my hopes, dreams, and truths.

I encourage you to explore the meaning of your life and whether you would be ok with how you left things if you died today. James Dean told us to dream as if we'd live forever and live as if we'd die today. Live your life with all the purpose, love, and joy you can muster! You never know when your time or that of someone you love will come. We don't have to fear death if we know where our souls will go and we live lives that reflect the legacy that we want for ourselves.

Live your bliss!

Welcome to my world!

GREETINGS!

This blog is a less formal dialog than my other online presences but it will still offer my signature brand of inspiration...plus a lot of humor and a dash of sarcasm.

I intend for this blog to be every bit as wonderful as my previous blogs...so for everyone who's followed my online migrations, make yourself comfortable! You'll get more of me here!

I'm excited about the L Chronicles and hope to be of service to the readers in some way. This blog is being born out of ongoing requests to begin a new blog so here I am...ready to share, observe, shout, cry, laugh, ponder, explore, and evolve.

Thank you for joining me on the journey. I promise to make it worth your while.