Many people struggle with setting appropriate boundaries and saying no. Perhaps the most important thing to understand is that boundaries are healthy and without them, our emotional and spiritual security evaporates. Setting boundaries doesn't mean we're "selfish", "mean" or "strict". Sometimes we say yes to things we don't want to do out of fear - fear of losing a person or his/her approval, fear of guilt, fear of loneliness, fear of owning the power of choosing to say no. Saying no when we need to comes from love - love of ourselves, love of the other person, and love of the things we value most.
Consider these things next time you're tempted to say yes when you want to say no:
* You are only responsible for yourself! As a person of integrity, you should speak the truth in love at all times, but you are not responsible for the emotions of people who choose not to respectfully accept your boundaries.
* You can be emotionally attached to people without losing your sense of self and your freedom.
* There's nothing selfish about setting boundaries. You are responsible for your own well-being and boundaries assist you in properly caring for yourself and your life.
* Boundaries don't always indicate anger. There are diplomatic, polite, and loving ways to communicate "no" to those you love. A great start is by showing appreciation for their efforts and requests.
* As you demonstrate love and respect to those around you by honoring their "no"s, you are able to more comfortably say no when necessary.
Use "yes" and "no" as mere indicators of choice. They are not a reflection of your love or respect for the other person, only of your commitment to honoring yourself.
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