My secret weapon for dealing with FEAR

Lately, I’ve noticed a lot of people stuck – stuck in bad relationships, stuck in crappy jobs, stuck in cities they hate. And yet they sit idle while the days, months, and years roll on. I was speaking to a group of women several months ago, and I asked for a show of hands of people who were happy. Only 40% of the hands in the room went up. Then I asked one of the women who didn’t raise her hand why she wasn’t happy. Her reply? “I’m not making enough money.” I was fascinated with her answer for 2 reasons: 1) Money isn’t her issue. I knew it and I think she did too. 2) I had a feeling that she wasn’t doing anything to address the so-called cause of her unhappiness.

I came off the stage and said, “If you can’t be happy where you are, you will not be happy where you’re going. Happiness is not a destination or ideal – it’s a decision and a state of being.” She replied with, “Wow….yeah, you’re right.” Then I said, “Why aren’t you making more money?” She explained that she had grown up poor and it had just “always been that way” for her. Rather than ask a series of profound questions, I cut to the chase, “You’ve never had much money so you assume that you’re a helpless victim to lack and limitation and that money is something other people are meant to have but not you. Are you living in fear of never having enough? And is that informing the choices you make?” The room fell quiet. As we all sat watching her, tears began to stream down her face and she nodded. I did more work with her on clearing her blocks, but as I returned to the stage, I made a point about fear.

Here’s the reality: We only experience 2 emotions: fear and love. Every other emotion we experience is rooted in these two emotions. With that being the case, when we find ourselves stuck, it’s because something other than our perceived issue is in the way, and more often than not it’s fear (or hate, bitterness, resentment, sadness, depression, listlessness, confusion – all manifestations of fear).

So how can you address fear in a powerful way? I mean, fear is something we deal with often, especially living this Inspired Life. You’re constantly stretching and growing and stepping outside of your comfort zone. Next time you feel anxiety creeping in, use my FEAR acronym to help you remove the block.

F- Face it. Fear is a small thing with a big shadow. Have you ever had a situation where you were hyping something up in your mind and then when it happened, you realized it was a bunch of hype over nothing? Most of the things we fear eIther never happen or never have the effect we believe they will. Take your power back by running toward the things you fear and facing them head on.

E-Evaluate. Evaluate your thought process and test your assumptions. Fear is often the result of not monitoring our thoughts and assumptions closely enough to realize they’re false. Take an objective look at your situation and the thing you fear – is your fear truly justified? What if the worst happens? What if the best happens? Mentally prepare and then release the emotion that’s not serving you.

A-Act. Take action! Don’t allow fear to mutate in your mind. After you face and evaluate your fear, determine the best action to address it and get in motion. Action is fear-repellant!

R-Reframe. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Reframe your attitude and perspective on the situation you’re facing, and remember that while you can’t always control the outcome of a situation, you can always control your attitude and your response. Decide that you’ll maintain a positive attitude and watch your situation reflect your decision.

Fear doesn’t have to be a big bad monster that keeps you stuck and going in circles. Use FEAR as a stepping stone to your personal growth.

Inspired Journaling Prompt: Write about a situation you’re currently facing that has you fearful or uncertain. Use FEAR to sort out how you can address the situation and eliminate fear.

Inspired Action: Apply the action steps in FEAR and kick fear in the butt once and for all!