The Graduated Relationship System

Over the years, I've become more aware of the importance of forming healthy relationships. In examining the various types of relationships that we develop, I've realized that there are strategies to developing relationships - things we can remain mindful of that can help us avoid unhealthy situations and people and gravitate towards those that are healthy and can serve us.

I use the graduated relationship system as outlined in the diagram of concentric circles above. Over time, I realize that one of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships, personal and professional, is allowing people too close who have not shown themselves trustworthy. It's tempting (and sometimes very easy) to allow new people to enter our worlds uninhibited. Sometimes we find ourselves disappointed after the fact when a person we let in too easily says or done things that hurt us or are inconsistent with our value systems.

A better way if relating is to see ourselves as being the center of a set of concentric circles. You are at the center and there are levels outside of you that include various levels of interaction and various aspects of a relationship. For instance, the first circle from the center should be the people who are closest to you and support you unconditionally. This can include best friends and very close family members. The next circle should be friends and family members who are close yet don't have the intimate connection of those in the inner most circle. The next circle should include acquaintances, co-workers, family friends, church members, etc. The outermost circle should include people you've met recently, "hi and bye" type friends, and other new friends and colleagues.

Using the concentric circle idea enables you to remain in an emotionally safe space while still introducing new people into your life. Graduating new people to the inner most circle without time, contact, and careful consideration can have lasting unfavorable consequences.

In short, take your time. Anyone who deserves to be in your life can take the time to invest in the relationship and allow things to evolve versus forcing them to happen.

Remember that all of this applies to professional relationships as well as personal relationships. Be conscious in your interactions and allow your horizontal relationships to be a reflection of your vertical relationships!

Until next time, be inspired!